Wish for my Teen

For my family one of the biggest and hardest lessons we teach our teen is dealing with the consequences of his own actions.



That is, often, easier said than done. It is hard to watch him not do what he needs (I want him) to do. It is hard to not prod and prompt and offer intermediate rewards, dangling a new video game in exchange for a cleaner room or completed schoolwork. But I try and resist, because failure is one of the most important learning tools we have, even though it is so hard to give our kids the chance they need to fail.

A bad day or week or month or even year doesn't have to be a disaster, there is time to recover: to homeschool over the summer and make up any lost credits, to get early enrollment at a college, to just adjust expectations and find a new path.

And so, if he knows that completing this week's work equals a trip to the beach for the weekend, and he chooses to not complete the work, that is his choice. He has decided the one wasn't worth the other, right now. Come the weekend, of course, the priorities change! But it is too late, and consequences are lived with. Because that is how life works.

And he doesn't benefit by me letting it go "just this once" or lowering expectations. Work is, you know, hard and stuff. It takes effort. But it has value, both for it's own sake and for the other things it brings. And sometimes, in the midst of a hormonal teenager's mind, that little bit gets lost.

When my teen asks me what I want for him I always say "For you to be healthy and happy; to have work that makes you feel good about doing it and supports you enough so your needs are met along with some wants; for you to find love with the person(s) of your choosing and to have a family if desired."

When he has a bad week or blows off school or changes his mind AGAIN about a course he wanted I remind myself that he has the right to choose his life, and that my job is to guide him, but not stop him from falling. He has to learn to look where he's going, and if his short-sightedness has an impact, all the better.

He has the right to fail, and the right to fail on his own terms. And the right to look around, absorb the lesson, and move on; wiser and stronger. And I do not have the right to take that away from him.

I'd rather he learn some serious lessons while home than wait until he gets to college and is away and alone...



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New Cat!

I have a new cat:





Her name is Miss Gingersnaps, a.k.a Missy, a.k.a. Miss Floofytail. She is about six months old.

I found her at a friend's house, under pile of Dobermans.





These Dobermans, actually

She was unscathed but for a fractured jaw, which the vet kindly fixed for a discounted price (Thank you! Best. Vet. EVAH!)

Missy spent a few weeks alone, recovering. But she needed to start meeting the other animals in the house






Misha is very curious






Ah! One good sniff!






And we have a truce






Now we can all sit around together, watching the TV

Interestingly, my three best friends are also gingers. Hmm...

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I'm a millionaire!

There aren't enough face palms in the world to cover this one...

My Dearest,

Good day to you, I have decided to contact you after much thought considering the fact that we have not meet before, but because of the circumstance oblige me, I decided to contact you due to the urgency of my present situation here in the refugee camp, I am Miss Joy Kipkalya Kones, 25yrs old female and I from Kenya here in Africa; my father was the former Kenyan road Minister. He and Assistant Minister of Home Affairs Lorna Laboso had been on board the Cessna 210, which was headed to Kericho and crashed in a remote area called Kajong'a, in western Kenya. The plane crashed on Tuesday 10th, June, 2008, you can read more on the Site http://edition.cnn.com/2008/ WORLD/africa/06/10/kenya. crash/index.html.

After the death of my beloved father my wicked step mother along with my uncles team together and sold everything that my late father had and share the money within themselves. Unfortunately to me I fined my father's briefcase and when I opened it I found a document, which my late father use to deposit the sum of Eight Million Five Hundred Thousand United State Dollars ($8.500.000.00) in the Bank, here in Burkina Faso West Africa with my name as next of skin, right now I am in Ouagadougou Capital of Burkina Faso to withdraw the money so that i can start a better life and also further my education.

But on my arrival to the Bank, the Bank foreign Operation Department Director whom I meet in person told me that my father instruction to their bank is that the fund would only be release to me when I am married or present a trustee/partner who will help me and invest the fund overseas after the transfer, and the bank ask me to go and look for a foreign partner, that was why I decided to contact you, which I believe that you are going to be honest and reliable person that will help me and stand as my trustee/partner, so that I can present you to the Bank for the release and transfer of the inheritance fund into your bank account in your country, and It is my intention to compensate you with 40% of the total fund for your services and help and the balance shall be my capital in your establishment. As soon as I receive your positive response showing your interest i will put things into action, in the light of the above, I shall appreciate an urgent message indicating your ability and willingness to handle this transaction, awaiting your urgent and positive response, Please do keep this only to your self, i beg you not to disclose it to any body till i come over because am afraid of my wicked stepmother, i will send you my picture in my next email, with due respect, i am pleading that you help me, i am giving all this detailed information with every transparency believing that you will have a clear picture of the base of help i need from you.

I hope to hear from you soon, May truth and love be the guiding word in my refuge,

Best regard,
Yours Sincerely
Joy Kipkalya Kones.

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Racism from a friend, Part 1

I was lucky growing up. I might be Hispanic, but my Dad never spoke Spanish to us and assimilated well. I went to private schools that he scrimped to pay for. He expected me to do anything and be anything. He cooked and cleaned and sewed, so my image of man/woman's work was never defined; everyone just did what they could. Plus I was smart, and tall, and slender. None of which was more than lucky genes, but it helped.

Although I had learned about racism in school, it was an abstract. I was at an all-girls high school, so it was very female-positive. Race just didn't enter my view.

It wasn't until college that I realized that people still thought that way. Really. It was a shock.

But it was other people being bigots towards other people. It wasn't my circle, it wasn't towards me.

When it came, it wasn't from a boss or a job, it was from a friend. A friend of many years. I knew she had been raised racist, I knew she struggled with it, but it was something I knew she didn't like about herself and was trying to change. I admired that.

And then.

The conversation was about needing Spanish speaking doctors. And suddenly she was past angry, she was overflowing with hate towards those damned people coming here without speaking American and she wasn't going to fucking learn no damned fucking Spanish and those fucking immigrants can just go the fuck home.

And I asked if that included me and my family. No, we spoke English. But my dad didn't, not when he first got here. He was 16, it took some time to learn English...

But she couldn't hear me. Her hate was frothing over.

And so I guess my friend forgot what I was when she was spewing hate. That her hate was directed at me, too.

She apologized. She didn't mean it. There was wine involved; she had a bad day; things are just tough for her...she's sorry. She didn't mean me and mine, after all.

And I hurt. Weeks later, and I hurt. I stay up thinking about it, how her hate started unhinging after Obama was elected. How whites are afraid of a world that is darkening, where their privilege--my privilege--is slipping away. The difference is that isn't my only world. The difference is I am not afraid of change. The difference is that I don't mind sharing, that my table always has room for one more...

And I wonder how many friends I'll have, and how many I'll lose, and who my new friends will be. Because immigration is not something I can stfu about. Racism is not something I can keep quiet in the corner about. And bigotry is something I was raised to rail against. In any form.

Especially from a friend.

On another blog (which I've forgotten) someone posted the absolutely appropriate following:

also, we all have close friends who we don’t realize are racist until these “isolated” incidents happen and then we get to see a side of them that we had no idea existed. the fact that they have suffered or are oppressed in other ways does not make it okey-dokey for them to express that racism that has been hiding in them. and us bearing the brunt of that racism is not something we should just smile off and say “oh, she didn’t mean it”. it still has to get called out as racist.

In other words, you don’t get to feel taller by standing on my back.

No, you don't.


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#gopdebate

My favorite tweets about the debate:

i think when santorum says he "worked on poor people" he means he physically stood on poor people and worked

ron paul would never, EVER force your teenage daughter to do anything, except have a baby if she is pregnant

Rick Perry, in one sentence, claims government spending won't create one job, then thanks Navy Seals. Who are paid by Santa Claus, I guess.


Brian Williams must think he's in a SNL skit. #GOPDebate

If you're just tuning in, America is losing the GOP Debate. #GOPDebate #Tweetthepress

Gringrich wants them all to join in hatred to form Injustice League of America #GOPdebate

Ok, is this weird? They say gov't CANNOT create jobs. Then they take credit for creating jobs while in office. #GOPDebate


RT @LordPalpatine: I feel a tremor in the force. As if millions of intelligent people were suddenly exposed to extreme greed and ignorance. #GOPDebate

Great question on income gap between black and white Americans. Wish it would have been answered. #gopdebate

RT @BorowitzReport: Perry: "We have kept our employment in Texas high by executing the jobless." #gopdebate


Commercial against legal immigration at #gopdebate. I guess if you're not a native American you should go back 2 where you came from.

Californians for population stabilization? Wow, why not just call yourselves the Klan and get it over with #GOPDebate #ReaganDebate

@BorowitzReport: Bachmann: "I would cut the price of gasoline in half. Also the IQ of the President." #gopdebate


This is the worst episode of America's Got Talent EVER. #TweetThePress #GOPDebate”

I did not watch it. It steals my sanity...


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Fat Hatred

I have a weight problem.

Not my weight, per se, but a problem with how we view weight through a small lens. A very small lens that only sees skinny people as 'good'. Where a medical issue--or not--is used to pass judgement on a person.

And then I was reading a post about fat hatred:(Thanks Shakesville)

So this morning I see that professional fat-hater Jamie Oliver has posted a petition which he's asking people to sign in support of his "Food Revolution," and in which he's included the bullshit stat that "obesity in the US costs $10,273,973 per hour" (sure) and notes, in all-caps, "OBESITY IS PREVENTABLE."

When the science eventually catches up to the reality that fat people who are not fat as a result of disordered eating already know, the people who are putting their faces and names to this campaign will be ashamed that they ever supported such naked bigotry, such rank hostility, such victim-blaming garbage. Paul Campos, who has written extensively about the OH NOES Obesity Crisis! and debunked many of the myths surrounding fat and health, has observed that the science, conventional wisdom, and cultural narratives of obesity closely mimic the science, conventional wisdom, and cultural narratives about homosexuality a generation ago, and has pointed out parallels between the gross "reparative therapy" touted to magically make gays straight and the gross "reparative therapy" touted to magically make fatties thin.

Because people forget that weight and health are not perfectly aligned. Fat people are healthy; skinny people get diabetes and high cholesterol and have heart attacks.

And weight loss is not a panacea for the ills of the world. It isn't easy, actually, to lose weight. Our bodies make it incredibly hard to lose weight and to keep it off.

And I'll tell you a secret: I want to lose weight. About 20 pounds. One, I have an inherited kidney disease, so keeping my blood pressure as low as possible matters, and my weight has some impact on that. Two, I just don't like it. I'm not fat, I'm not skinny.

And I'm struggling with that. With health vs. artificial ideals about beauty. With health vs. skinny. With not losing weight easily, and coming to terms with this being hard work.

And I know skinny people and fat people, and I've seen the obvious contempt the first has for the second. The food policing (Do you really think I don't know how many calories are in a candy bar? Really? And, even worse, do you really think shaming me is going to help?) and the unasked for (and often inaccurate) advice on diet and exercise.

The way people use compliments as weapons: "You've lost weight! My goodness, you look so gorgeous!". Because, you know, fat people are ugly, apparently.

"I'm so glad you're working out! Muscle burns more calories than fat!" It doesn't. Well, like 2 extra calories, maybe 20 calories a day. Not enough to matter much.

And do you know how much exercise you have to do to actually lose weight? I ran a marathon: 26.2 miles. Well, I walked part of it, but anyway...26.2 miles. That's, on average, 2600 calories burnt in one day, give or take. And that's not enough to burn off one pound of fat!

So don't sit there and tell me to just stop eating, because I'm freaking hungry. And don't tell me to just eat protein, or carbs, or any other wacky diet...because there is zero evidence any of those fad diets work long term. And don't tell me to hit the gym, because I do. And guess what? Burning calories makes me hungry. And I need to replace the calories lost during the workout. It is just not the easy fix people like to think it is.

And, just my opinion, Jamie Oliver is a pompous, privileged twit....

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One Million Homophobic Moms...

Fallen From Grace alerted to me to One Million Moms and their agenda:

Mom, are you fed up with the filth many segments of our society, especially the entertainment media, are throwing at our children? Are you tired of all the negative influences our children are forced to contend with? If so, we urge you to become a member of OneMillionMoms.com.

OneMillionMoms.com was begun to give moms an impact with the decision-makers and let them know we are upset with the messages they are sending our children and the values (or lack of them) they are pushing.

Our goal is to stop the exploitation of our children, especially by the entertainment media (TV, music, movies, etc.). Mom, OneMillionMoms.com is the most powerful tool you have to stand against the immorality, violence, vulgarity and profanity the entertainment media is throwing at your children. It is time to fight back!

Among their peeves is that Teh Gays are on TV, and they started a campaign to get Chaz Bono kicked off DWTS.

But guess what! You can totes go and, from the One Million Moms website, send ABC a letter, only I reworded it slightly:


As a mother and a member of OneMillionMoms.com, I strongly encourageTHANK ABC Network to reconsider for their celebrity casting choices for "Dancing with the Stars" this season. I am extremely concerned HAPPY that ABC feels the need to be politically correct instead of creating show as strictly a dance competition. ABC has crossed the line DONE THE RIGHT THING in pushingSHOWING the LGBT INDIVIDUAL into what some families would consider safe entertainment.

Some programs in the entertainment industry have gone too far on controversial issues, and "DWTS" is now one of them. This show airs twice a week 8/7c while children are awake, and for ABC to promote a destructive lifestyle is irresponsible.

I am prepared to join thousands of other voices in urgingSUPPORTING advertisers to place it on their "do not advertise" list and consider pulling all ads from the entire ABC network in protest of this now highly offensive program. WHO SUPPORT DWTS.

If this is meant to be a family-friendly show, then I hope ABC will take this request seriously and replaceSUPPORT Chaz Bono and Carson Kressley (who was added last minute anyway because of another cast member's injury) in this season's lineup of "DWTS". Otherwise, Christian families will not enhance the ratings by watching the show when it returns September 19.

THANK YOU


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Codes of the Canine

Thank you Fake Science for explaining things!



This is why we can't have drums...

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Quote

"I am not interested to know whether vivisection produces results that are profitable to the human race or doesn't. The pain which it inflicts upon unconsenting animals is the basis of my enmity toward it, and it is to me sufficient justification of the enmity without looking further."

-Mark Twain, author and humorist (1835-1910)


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