I preface it by my overall wish for my child:
I hope you have a career that challenges and engages you; that provides for all your needs and some of your wants.
I hope you are healthy.
I hope you find love and passion with the person(s) of your choice, who feel the same in return. And if you want children, I hope you can have them through whatever means work for you.
Now, for stuff I need my teenager to know:
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1. Don't worry about grades, they are arbitrary and once you leave high school no one will care that you stayed in to get an A--but you will care about the real experiences you may have missed.
2. Yes means yes. Enthusiastic consent, every step of the way.
3. Don't waste you time with clubs that you aren't interested in, and never think being good at sports make you important. Instead, find the few things you are really passionately interested in and immerse yourself in those.
4. Drive safely. I have taught you how and modeled that behavior for you. You will get into an accident--hope it's a small one, stay calm, and know I always love you more than the car.
5. Drugs and drinking are a part of life. I trust you to make your own decisions, and I've raised you to be your own person. You know the risks, you know the benefits. Be safe, and call me if you need me. You won't be in trouble, but I may spend a few years imitating your drunken attempts to get the key in the door. Be prepared for consequences.
6. I have taught you about finance. Get a credit card and use it wisely, to build up your credit. You will need debt to pay for school, buy a house, buy a car...and the better your credit, the better interest rates you will get. So use your card, pay it down, and don't get silly with buying power. But if you do go on a last-minute trip to Europe, remember to buy your mother something.
7. If I yell at you, yell back. You deserve to be treated with respect, and if I forget you are free to remind me.
8. Don't be afraid of being an adult. Every decade gets more and more awesome, more and more wonderful. What you are doing now is training for life.
9. Bucket lists are for people who forget to live now, and think that there will be a magical time in the future when they will finally be able to do all the things they wanted. Most people will die before that happens. Don't be one of them. Do it now, do it soon, make those things a reality instead of a distant fantasy.
10. "Them as can do has to do for them as can't. And someone has to speak up for them A's has no voices."
— Terry Pratchett
11. Vote. Serve jury duty with pride. These are your civic duties, and rights that we lose if we do not use.
12. Protest. March. Write and call your representatives. Demonstrate. Be vocal about things that matter. Write letters to the editor and opinion pieces.
13. Being a follower isn't all bad. You can't be a leader in everything, and you may not be a leader in anything. But chose who follow wisely. Remember when we marched on Washington? We were following people. Remember when we protested for voting rights? We were following people. And to be a good ally to those who are oppressed you MUST follow them, it is never your job to lead them--they know how to lead themselves, thank you very much. Ask what they need you to do, and then do it.
14. Family and friends are important. Always be there for them. However, you have no obligation to anyone--including me--if they can't treat you with respect and dignity. I never have a right to control you, and when you are an adult my role is to advise when asked, and support when needed. You do not have to prove anything to me, or make me happy, or live up to my standards--you need to be accountable to yourself, not me. It's your life, live it.
15. Be happy.
16. Some things aren't worth doing well. Some things are better when you half-ass them, so you can spend time on those things that you want to do well. This is why I don't make my bed or fold my underwear, by the way. Everything doesn't have to be perfect.
13. Being a follower isn't all bad. You can't be a leader in everything, and you may not be a leader in anything. But chose who follow wisely. Remember when we marched on Washington? We were following people. Remember when we protested for voting rights? We were following people. And to be a good ally to those who are oppressed you MUST follow them, it is never your job to lead them--they know how to lead themselves, thank you very much. Ask what they need you to do, and then do it.
14. Family and friends are important. Always be there for them. However, you have no obligation to anyone--including me--if they can't treat you with respect and dignity. I never have a right to control you, and when you are an adult my role is to advise when asked, and support when needed. You do not have to prove anything to me, or make me happy, or live up to my standards--you need to be accountable to yourself, not me. It's your life, live it.
15. Be happy.
16. Some things aren't worth doing well. Some things are better when you half-ass them, so you can spend time on those things that you want to do well. This is why I don't make my bed or fold my underwear, by the way. Everything doesn't have to be perfect.
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